Once the golden couple of Hollywood, it was reported recently by the BBC that after 8 years of wrangling, Brad and Angelina are finally divorced. Whilst most of us have less complicated lives (not to mention fewer kids and less stuff to fight over!) it is still sad when we see couples making their divorces far messier than they actually need to be. 

Tips for a happier divorce

Although the process of divorce and separation is never going to be a pleasant thing to go through, couples often don’t make it any easier on themselves, or any children who are involved. There are things you can do which could make your separation or divorce a much smoother and less emotionally exhausting process. Rachel Macwilliam, specialist in family law, runs through her top tips for a happier divorce…or at least one without quite so much drama as Brad and Angelina.

Tip #1: Try to let go of the past

In order to move forward you need to let go of what has gone before. A vindictive process of focusing on fault and who has behaved most badly is not helpful and will just make you feel worse and make the process longer and more costly.  The introduction of No Fault Divorce in 2022 has definitely helped this as it is no longer necessary to begin the whole process by pointing the finger of blame.  Our blog The 6 Stages of No Fault Divorce goes into more detail about the process.

Tip #2: Be careful of social media ‘lawyers’

In the age of Facebook, Instagram and TikTok, there are many people who voice their opinion without knowing all of the facts about your personal circumstances, or what the legal process is. This can lead to misinformation and misunderstanding about the process and your legal rights / obligations. You are always better off getting advice from a qualified professional, even if this is just an initial advice session to help you better understand your own position – remember that just because someone you know had a certain outcome, it doesn’t mean that you will end up with the same.  

Tip #3: Consider alternatives to court

Many couples wanting to separate or get a divorce don’t realise that there are other options besides going to court such as mediation. This can often prove to be a faster and less expensive option. A solicitor can guide you through this process.

Tip #4: Be truthful about finances

Like it or not, finances play a crucial part in separation and divorce. It is vital that you are both honest about your finances including any debts and assets as well as accurate estimates of your future expenditure. If you are not truthful about these, it could mean that any settlement you do reach might be overturned by the court later when the truth comes out, or worse, criminal proceedings might be brought against you.  You may be unaware that your pension is also part of finances taken into consideration in a divorce, you can read more about this in our blog Pensions and Divorce – What you need to know.  

Tip #5: Keep it calm or find a counsellor

There’s no getting away from it, divorce is bound to be emotional, and it would be strange if you didn’t find it so. However, to be able to reach an agreement without acrimony, it is best to try to keep things as constructive as possible. If this is proving very hard, it could be a good idea to speak to a counsellor, rather than to inadvertently use your solicitor as one! This will help you to move forward with a clearer mind to be able to make good decisions.

Tip #6: Consider your children

Separation and divorce is hard enough but, add children into the mix, and you reach a whole new level of emotion. The process is also far more complex. You naturally will want the best for your children but it is easy to get fixated on the past and not consider their future. Again, counselling can help with this. We can help with child arrangements too if you need support or would like to bring more clarity to this area.

Tip #7: Inform the tax man

It is likely that a separation or divorce will have tax implications. Couples sometimes find this adding further to their problems. Using an experienced divorce solicitor will avoid this happening.

Tip #8: Compromise

Ultimately, divorce and separation will always involve a degree of compromise. Stubbornly refusing to budge will just result in a more protracted and expensive process. It is also likely to become acrimonious.

A new and positive future

Finding your way through the process of divorce or separation can be challenging at the best of times, but with some professional advice, it shouldn’t be a catastrophe. Hopefully, the tips above should help you and your partner to move forward and enable you to create a positive future.

Get in touch

If you would like to speak with Rachel Macwilliam or Tegan Pownall, our family law specialists, you can reach them on 01872 241408 or email family@penderlaw.co.uk